Groin Kick!

I believe we were in the third grade when it happened; the class was called down to the cafeteria for an assembly. Since we were a small school all sixty or seventy of us fit without a problem, and we proceeded to sit in folding chairs that had already been rearranged in a large semicircle. At the time, the school would have a different person appear once a month to demonstrate hobbies and activities in hopes that we would take one of them up in earnest.

We had a potter one month...

A stamp collector another month...

And I think they tried to get a pole dancer in on another month, but that fell through for some reason. It didn't really matter to us, we just knew that it got us out of math class for a day. We were all a little excited to see what kind of crazy activity they would try to scam us with that day....
Would it be bee keeping??

Maybe alligator wrestling??

Perhaps chainsaw juggling?



Do not attempt at home

 The possibilities were about ready to drive us into an ecstatic frenzy. Needless to say we were all a bit disappointed when a lady with bright red hair wearing a pair of white pajamas came out. The frenzy instantly turned into quiet disgruntlement.

The woman gave a great big smile, and we all stared back with distant apathetic looks, like mannequins in an abandoned department store.

The sight of our near lifeless stares definitely made her nervous (children can sense this), and she carefully started to explain that she was there to teach us "karate".
"Do you know what karate is kids?" she nervously blurted out.
We gazed back at her: a group of zombie-like kids, who pierced her soul with our basilisk's stare.

She somehow maintained her composure and proceded to give here lesson in karate. She showed us various stances and postures, along with some fairly impressive acrobatics. We were all being somewhat entertained, (anything was better than Mrs. Brussard's math class) then she said something...
"Now I'm going to teach you all something that you can do on your own!"
"HOW TO KILL SOMEONE!?" Half of us erupted in unbridled glee.

"No!, No." She countered "You little fuckin psychos!" Alright, didn't actually call us little fuckin psychos, but I'm sure that she was thinking it. With a steadier voice than I would have thought her capable of, she carried on.
"No, not to kill with, something to protect yourselves with."
We glared on.
Confident that she she had our indivisible attention she continued, and exploded into action.
"GROIN KICK!" Shrieked the red-headed harpy.

That got our attention.

She saw that her scream and kick display had an affect. So she did it again.
"GROIN KICK!" She hollared.

It was the best day of our lives...

"GROIN KICK!!" We practically had orgasms.

She was so happy to have a group of young enthusiastic Karate Kids that she brought us all into the center of the ring five at a time and showed us this new wondrous game called GROIN KICK!. We may have entered the the assembly as a group of apathetic brain dead zombies, but we left hyped up on the ifinite possibilities and power of the GROIN KICK. Recess was fast aproaching, and I believe the teachers were getting a little apprehensive about it. A few minutes later we were unleashed into the school yard; the entire class became a an explosion of GROIN KICKS, which quickly degenerated into screaming and crying, with both boys and girls groaning on the ground clutching their crotches... it was a massacre.

This was the quickest pecking-order I have ever seen established. It happened so fast, in fact, that the monitors in charge of watching us had no chance of preventing it, we were an unstoppable tide of groin kicking psychopaths. After what was probably the most stressfull day the teachers and school nurse had ever had in their lives, they had to call the karate lady back in for another assembly to explain that the groin kick was for self defense only, not a playground game.